I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
