Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
