i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We have started to decorate penises.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
