So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
These tits shall not be calmed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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