So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
