I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
