; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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