Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My penis needs a shock collar
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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