how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
