Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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