So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
