four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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