How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
