i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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