Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Success! We fucked roommates!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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