How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
