My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
