got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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