Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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