I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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