I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
