I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
