This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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