I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
