well I can't set my house on fire every night
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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