We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
