We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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