I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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