arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
