just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
