i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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