Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
