Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
