oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
