Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
