Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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