Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorry my hands just texted you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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