I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just gift wrapped bread.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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