I'm going to jail i love you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
