Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
