my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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