just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
