why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
