Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
