The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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