I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry about my life...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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