I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
