I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
