don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
