Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
