have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
