i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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