That's intense
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
