the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
