sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
