Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
