Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
