the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
