I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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