I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
