Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
