The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Operation Purity has been aborted
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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