Im at strip club and am horny
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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