I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
